Common Myths 1: A Man Must Do One of These Three Things

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May 14, 2019
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August 7, 2019

Common Myths 1: A Man Must Do One of These Three Things

I’m sure many of us are familiar with several myths passed down to us by God-knows-who from generation to generation. By myth, I’m simply referring to a widely held but false belief or idea. If you think of it now off the top of your head, I’m sure you’ll recall a few. You may have even quoted it to someone like it’s a law of life just like someone did to me recently.

I found myself in a new environment not too long ago and one day one of the guys I work with came to me and enquired, “Do you drink?” I said no. “Do you smoke?” My answer was no again. Lastly, he asked, “Do you womanize?” to which I simply said “I’m married”. He went on to announce to everyone around that a man must do one of these three things he has asked me and that if a man is not doing at least one, he must be dangerous and should be feared and avoided. One of the men around strongly concurred with him on this point as if our friend had said something deeply profound. My “examiner” was my senior so I didn’t see the need to engage him or try to set him straight hence I simply smiled, and faced my work as if I wasn’t the one being analyzed.

Before you think, “Oh what a righteous, sinless man he is”, this piece is not about me neither is it about whether I’m sinless or sinful. It’s about how we often cherry-pick a habit and become pros at it because somewhere along the line someone sold us a lie that a man must have one of those habits. A guy said to me once, “I don’t drink, I don’t smoke but you see woman, just leave that one for me.” A guy was asked one time when someone saw the way his head was moving at the sight of a woman, “It’s like you like women a lot?” His face literally lit up as he responded, “Ahhhhh, that’s my hobby”. This particular guy did all three by the way.

Don’t box yourself because of a mindset. Believe me, it’s not a law of life that a man must either be drinking himself to stupor, smoking his lungs out or be having sex at random. There’s no such thing. How you are living currently is a choice you’ve made and you can choose to live differently. There’s no universal force of nature pulling every man in three different directions that men have no choice but succumb to this invisible force. Someone even dared to say if you are not doing at least one of these three things you are not a real man. How profoundly wrong he is. There are virtues that make for a real man; virtues of kindness, faithfulness, diligence, timeliness, gratitude, honesty, humility, keeping your word, paying back a loan, being temperate etc. These are the virtues that tell us the stuff you are made of.

Forgive me for sounding a bit simplistic by narrowing it down to choice. Someone addicted to nicotine or alcohol will mostly likely find quitting difficult. Some have managed to quit but relapsed after a while. However, with the help of God and support from support groups some have quit permanently. I’m not addressing those who are struggling with these addictions and other forms of addiction. I’m addressing those who have consciously or subconsciously chosen to make it a way of life because of a mere myth.

Finally, just in case you saying to yourself, “This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about, mine is not about any myth, mine is that I was born like this”. If that’s what you’re saying then please read my article I Was Born Like This.

Image: Michael Stern/Wikimedia Common

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  1. Omafovbe Imonikosaye says:

    Good read. Let me add that the myth was born out of circle of trust, those who smoke and have people that smoke believe they can all trust each other in their act and keep secret whatsoever that may be discussed during them fraternizing and that hold same for those who drink and womanize for they see themselves as brothers. With this knowledge all those who do not indulge are therefore feared, because no weakness are seen and they find it difficult to socialize with you apart from work or that which brought you close. Guess i was able to shed more light on this myth.

  2. Ifechukwude says:

    This is a very good article that need to be put out there. I have heard this several times but in my usual nature, I would not want to argue with anyone. If they care to listen, I let them know that it’s a lie from God knows where.

    Once again, God bless you for this nice piece.

  3. Teecee says:

    Lovely post!
    Myth, like you called it, yet, many are misled by it.
    Our choices and decisions often affect our destination and that is why they must be guided by knowledge.
    It is beautiful how you often pause to pick out deep lessons from seemingly inconsequential experiences.
    Well done, brother!

    • Chukwuma says:

      I had to tweet your quote right there about our choices and decisions. Thanks for the encouragement bro.

  4. Morris Int'l says:

    Nice writeup. Thumps up

  5. Montee says:

    Apt. I choose to be a man of virtues!
    Thank you sir for this one.

  6. Obiora Raymond says:

    Great article, someone even argued sometime ago that it’s impossible for a man to have a single partner. May they be free from blindness. Thanks a lot

  7. Chuka says:

    Really profound truth ..Well, my usual response to this is that “I watch movies a lot”… It’s really sad that these above mentioned presumed character traits are detrimental…i mean, does it make me a real man to “commit suicide” over a long time… Hilarious!!

  8. PromZee says:

    Nice write up. God bless every man out there who do not believe nor work with these myths.

  9. Grace says:

    Awesome read
    Thank you for nailing it

  10. Emordama says:

    This piece needs to get to every man out there. This is the definition of a real man. The real man we are supposed to be. The good examples we are to live out as men in our society. Thank you sir for this. Very timely, have thought about this time and time again, but you have put it down so well sir. Was worth every read.

  11. Rose says:

    Yeah we do need more of such lessons to undo all those bad habits which were as a result of wrong notions/ beliefs from what we were told/taught in the past.

    Thank you.

  12. Ogah Ida says:

    This myth is to justify that they’re not solitude in their bad actions. It’s like saying “everybody does it so it’s normal”. They’ve forgotten that an action is not justified by the number of persons who engaged in it.

  13. Beautiful piece; we are made up of our choices not some random generation-generation tales. Simple to comprehend and good lessons to renew ones mind. Thank you Sir.

  14. Dozie says:

    Nice write up bro..our choices are informed by our beliefs and lots of wrong and erroneous beliefs has birthed wrong choices and decisions..this also applies to the myth that its normal for a man to cheat…well done Chums

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